Alexa and Alyssa Kick Simulator Butt!
by padfoot and prongs unite
Summary: One-Shot. In the MJ universe, should probly read that one first, or at least the begining, or at least the summary, but honestly not that hard to follow if you dont! Another adventure of Alyssa and Alexa! Featuring Sev, Tonks, and Uncle Moody! Please R&R


**A/N: This is an MJ one shot. Hope you all like it. You will probly want to read the MJ main stream story or you might not understand it. Alyssa's nicknames are Lyssa, Padfoot Jr, Padfoot or PJ, just so you know! Hope you enjoy! And it is seriously funny! Oh yeah! Alexa wrote this one, so it's in her point of view! **

Alexa and Alyssa Kick Training Dummy Butt

"I am so excited! I can't wait to do this!"

"I know PJ. You haven't talked about anything else since Tonks told us we could do the simulator."

"I mean we get to go up against some of the toughest model Dark Wizards ever!"

"I know the same things you do, why are you telling me this?"

"And Sev said he was really proud-"

"Lyssa."

"-and that he was glad we knew how to defend ourselves so well-"

"_Lyssa_."

"-and Uncle Moody said we were some of the best he'd seen in years-"

"ALYSSA!"

"…What?"

"First, you're rambling."

"Sorry"

"Second, we have to leave now. You're stocked, right?"

Lyssa grinned wickedly. "Oh yeah. I'm set Lexi."

I felt a matching grin stretch across my face. "Excellent. Let's get this show on the road!"

Lyssa and I marched out of our dorm to the common room, past our friends who wished us luck, and down the corridor to the room Sev had set up for us to face the enchanted dummies that Aurors in training faced to test their skills. Seeing how Lyssa and I were bored in DADA and wanted to eventually become Aurors (after we retired from Quidditch), Uncle Moody and Tonks had recommended us for this special exercise which wasn't normally used until the 2nd year of Auror training. We kick serious arse in Defense.

When we reached the appointed classroom, Tonks came out to meet us and grinned at what we were wearing. "You're lucky Severus is running a bit late and won't be here until you're actually in the room."

I glanced down. "Oh. That. Ginny dared us." Her grin just stretched and she shook her head.

I was wearing a full, skin tight leather body suit, with pretty short shorts, long sleeves, and a plunging neckline, accented by high heeled, knee high leather boots. I also had on a belt full of pockets, dark purple leather. My pixie cut black hair was spiked as always. Lyssa was wearing a black jean mini skirt, a soft black t-shirt with a low v neck, low black heels, and a belt like mine, but in dark blue and with a dark blue drawstring pouch hanging from it. Her black hair was pulled into a high pony tail that swished behind her.

"What?" asked Alyssa innocently. "We need to be able to move freely."

Tonks raised an eyebrow, still smiling. "And I'm sure the heels help a ton with that."

My response was ready. "We need to be prepared for any situation. What if a Ministry Ball is attacked?"

"An answer for everything I see. Though I hope you don't go to any Ministry Balls like that. Now shoo! Get in there and kick some arse!"

As we turned towards the now open door, we heard footsteps and turned. Sev came around the corner, jogging. "Sorry I'm late, I had to- Merlin's beard, what on _Earth_ are you two wearing?"

We just smiled at him and darted into the room to meet our foes.

As the door shut behind us, Lyssa and I found ourselves facing a group of black robed enchanted manikins holding wands. There were about 25 of them, and they seemed to be holding some sort of meeting in a circle. Time to end that.

"Hey morons! Come at me!" What? Can't I be weird when I want to?

Lyssa snorted and said "Really?" as the group turned towards us.

"Prepare for battle!" one said in a mechanical voice. They raised their wands and we didn't even try to fight as they disarmed us. "You are disarmed," announced the same manikin. He seemed to think he was in charge. Of course, we were: he just didn't know that yet.

"No shit Sherlock," I retorted.

"Language Alexa!" came a voice from above us.

"Sorry Sev!" I called.

Looking irritated, the Head Honcho reclaimed our attention. "We outnumber you and we are far more advanced than you."

"Oh HELL no areshole!" said Lyssa.

"_Language_ Alyssa!"

"Sorry Sev!"

The Grand Poobah of Pain in My Arse was really mad now. "Surrender or else!" he roared.

Since being ignored seemed to irritate him, I turned to Lyssa. "I believe he just tried to intimidate us! Did he just try to intimidate us Lyssa?"

She grinned. "Indeed he did. He asked us to surrender."

"And what's our answer to that?" He seemed about to bust an artificial vein.

"Oh I think you know the answer to that."

"In fact, I do."

We turned to the group together and screamed "FUCK YOU, NO!"

"_LANGUAGE!_" We didn't bother answering Sev. We were too busy pulling weapons hidden in the magically enlarged pockets on our belts. I whipped out two 9 millimeter pistols and opened fire on the wizards on the right while Lyssa pulled a full sized samurai sword out of her belt and descended on the guys on the left. The Dark Wizards were so surprised by the combination of our prior apparent weaponlessness and the fact that we were using muggle weapons that they had no time to react before we completely decimated them.

I blew on the ends of my pistols and stuck them back in my belt while Alyssa cleaned and sheathed her sword. We both turned to the raised platform behind us where Tonks, Moody, and Sev were sitting in case we needed help. Psht. They should know us better by now. Tonks and Sev were just sitting there with their mouths open while Moody nodded appreciatively, muttering to himself "Fake 'em out, that's good. Gotta remember that one, maybe use it myself. Teach the new ones that."

Knowing it would irk Sev, I said, "Next time can you set us a challenge? That was too easy." Then I linked arms with Lyssa and we sauntered out into the hallway.

"Three, two, one-" Lyssa muttered under her breath.

"ALEXA MARIE POTTER AND ALYSSA REGULUS BLACK COME BACK HERE THIS INSTANT!"

"You know you really shouldn't have thrown out that last comment," she said as we headed back to the training room.

I sighed. "I know, but I couldn't help it. It was so perfect."

She giggled. "Yeah, it was."

When we reached the door to the room, Sev was standing there with his arms crossed, tapping one foot and glaring.

"Give them to me."

We both sighed and reached in our belt pockets, throwing the guns and the samurai sword in front of him.

"_ALL_ of them."

We gave him dirty looks for knowing us too well, then reached into our belts again. Added to the pile were 7 more guns (including two with sniper scopes), a bazooka, 14 grenades, 3 extra wands each, 5 ninja throwing stars, another sword, two light sabers (that really worked and burned through stuff),two long bows, two crossbows, assorted arrows for each, a flask of acid, and about 10 knives each, throwing and close combat.

Sev's eyes got bigger and bigger as we piled stuff on. I heard a muffled snorting sound and saw Tonks over his shoulder, trying to contain her laughter.

Sev eyed the pile, then glanced at Alyssa. "What's in the pouch? You haven't touched it yet."

She answered unconcernedly. "Oh, that's Bruce."

"Well put Bruce on the pile." She started to unhook the bag, but stopped when he said, "Take it out first. I want to know what I'm dealing with."

We traded a glance, then I shrugged. If Sev wanted to see, he could see. "Whatever floats your boat."

Alyssa finished unhooking the bag, then stuck her hand in, whistling. "C'mere Bruce, Sev wants to see you." A low growling sound issued from the bag. I saw Tonks take a step back, no longer laughing. "I know you're grumpy, but come out anyway… If you're not out here in three seconds, I'm not playing with you on Saturday."

A whuffling sound came and Alyssa moved out of the way, pointing the bag towards an empty part of the corridor. Out leapt Bruce, our 800 pound, 9 foot long, light brown saber toothed tiger. Tonks emitted a muffled scream and Sev scrambled back until he reached the corridor wall, pointing his wand at the cat as Bruce eyed him and flicked his tail lazily.

"Good boy Bruce!" I said, walking over and scratching his neck just where he liked it. Seeing as his shoulder was already 55 inches off the ground, I had to reach up to do so. Yeah, saber toothed tigers are large. Who would've thought?

Lyssa looked at Sev, who was white faced, Tonks, who was shaking, and Moody who looked shocked, and said "Oh come on, he's perfectly tame. I'd add him to the pile, but I don't think he'd stay. He likes his bag. We made it snowy, but with trees and bushes and stuff so he'd be comfortable. Anyway, he's hungry, so I think we're going to the kitchens."

"Down Bruce!" I ordered. He flopped down on the floor.

"Thank Godric for vaulted ceilings," muttered my best friend as we hauled ourselves onto Bruce's back. I nodded.

"Up Bruce!" I commanded. With a sigh, Bruce rose much more carefully than he'd lain down so we wouldn't fall. "To the kitchens!" His ears pricked up at the word kitchens. As he ambled off in the direction of the room where he knew there was food, Lyssa called over her shoulder, "Have fun with the light sabers! Those took us _forever_ to make, so you'd better enjoy them."

They just stood there staring as two girls in black who'd just defeated a 2nd year Auror level simulation rode a giant saber toothed tiger named Bruce off to the kitchens, leaving behind a small arsenal. What they didn't figure out was that Bruce isn't the only thing we kept. But they didn't need to know that quite yet…

**A/N: Please Review! I want to know if I should keep thinking up stories like this, or if I should just quit and just tell them to my friends. Please! I'm begging you! I need support!**


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